Your main purpose in life I get for you- or the way you've been conducting your life to date appears to be
surrounded with a lot of worry, anxiety and not being able to sleep because your thoughts are running at one hundred miles an hour. You are working yourself up and becoming incredibly stressed and anxious when, really, none of the things that get you so upset, don't appear to really be complicated issues. You have a tendency to get very worked up about how bad a situation appears, losing sight of what it is really happening and what opportunities are available to you. What is needed here is for you to stop and objectively examine the reality of the situation. Bring yourself back to earth by uncovering your fears and anxieties and working to reduce the impact of those fears and anxieties on your life. Know that it is going to be ok, no matter what.
In fact, I getting that your worry and despair may actually be causing you harm. (physically, mentally and even with your health....I feel the tendency to have panic attacks) The more you worry about something, the more likely it is you will manifest your worst nightmares. In other words...our minds are very powerful and we actually manifest events, things, etc...ourselves when we constantly harp, worry and stress over them. Do not let this nightmare become your reality! Take a deep breath and realize that life is not as bad as it seems and that the more you worry, the more harm you are doing to yourself.
I'm also getting that this is something you know, to an extent and are already (or thinking about) working on this, or possibly even seeing a professional (counselor, preacher?) to work through this period of worry and depression and are in the early stages of beginning to make a recovery. You may have recently come to the realization that some things are not as bad as you had made it out to be, and you are beginning (or trying) to relax and calm yourself about what was once a terrifying situation.
You may also find that your dreams are very telling at this time. Use a dream journal to help you analyze what is happening at a subconscious level. There's a website which describes dreams in detail and it's very interesting www.dreammoods.com
You've had to face many challenges throughout your life, mostly dealing with strength, determination, and power in a manner of gaining control....like above; control over YOU, your fears, your life, kids, etc... and this is telling me it's all "internal strength" you struggle with..... the power of the human spirit to overcome any obstacle. Strength is about knowing that you can endure life’s obstacles by drawing upon your inner strength and confidence. You truly have great stamina and persistence, tempered by an underlying patience and inner calm, yet you've allowed your fears and anxieties to dominate that ability. You know what needs to be done, yet you often lack the inner strength/ability to be focused on what you need to do, and go about it in a way that demonstrates great composure and maturity.....which in return causes a lot of stress and worry and sometimes immaturity - (sorry)
You need to try using a compassionate approach. The saying, "You can catch more bees with honey" is similar here as in, You are more likely to achieve your goals, etc....by conducting your affairs by showing love and patience.....Is this making any sense? You often may find you struggle with giving others space and of being intolerant of their needs; not being "accepting" or very forgiving- and can easily hold a grudge for some time. In doing this, you create a unsafe and untrusting environment where you can't positively influence others. This demonstrates a level of ‘hard’ control, and you need to work on "soft" control, persuading and coaxing others to your way of thinking.
The qualities of inner strength are already in you, waiting to appear once you have mastered all your raw, foundational emotions and when you are ready to move on to the spiritual tasks that lie ahead. That is a good thing, because it's just an obstacle, that with practice and patience, you can achieve this...The main lesson is that emotions must be transcended if spiritual wisdom and intuition are to be awakened. Your inner voice is often drowned out by the constant noise of emotion and preoccupation with fear. Only once you have eliminated these raw emotions can you begin to create the silence you need. So conquer your fears, control your impulses, and never lose patience with yourself or what you are doing. Eventually you will see the wisdom of letting go of your lower self; tame the "inner" beasts within yourself. This is a time when you need to be very conscious of your instinctual urges and reactions, and bring them into balance with the greater good and meaning in life. This is not a time to act out in rage or in hatred but instead to look at the situation from a place of love and compassion. I realize, easier said than done.....But it's what needs to happy if you want the chaos to lessen and peace to prevail....and learn to take responsibility for yourself, your actions, and be the master of yourself and YOUR world...Not someone else. If you are one of those people who find yourself in a place where you feel as though you are able to act impulsively or irrationally, and blurt out angry comments or negative things to others, stop - count to 10, draw on your God given "inner strength" and then try to tame yourself. Then, do the opposite..... by offering peace, love, and warmth. You may need to do the same to prevent yourself from leaping out at others and saying some things you might later regret.
If you have been self-doubting, by obtaining this inner strength you struggle with, it will give you the confidence to fight those doubts. Additionally, Im feeling you feeling worn out and stressed, practicing on calming your self / spirit tells me, undoubtedly - “Things are going to get better! You are going to find the strength within yourself and within others to keep going!”But now - the work is up to you. I've given you the knowledge / tools - You have to put it into action. : ) And rest assured, results and/or other's attitudes may not change re: you, etc...immediately - But I promise....One way or another, you will be recognized or rewarded for your efforts.
You were "gifted" with Inner Strength AS WELL as a person who is able to really rastionize situations and maintain an equal balance, inwardly and outwardly....But somewhere along your life path, everything got topsy turvy and your talent/gift in your life, starting kinda, working against you. DONT DO THIS TO YOURSELF....YOU HAVE SUCH AWESOME QUALITIES, YET YOU HAVE TOSSED THEM ASIDE, DOING THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU KNOW SHOULD BE DOING!
You always seem to have conflicting interests. You need to find a way (that inner strength) to bring back balance that venture with other important areas of life such as family, friends, and even your own physical, mental, and spiritual well-being; It's a balance between opposing desires and interests. Life will always be uncertain, yet if you can produce balance and harmony among all the demands upon you, you will ultimately live happily and in prosperity.
Thus, remember to remain alert, agile and patient as you attempt to juggle your family, your friends, work, finances, health and new challenges. You need to be very clear on your priorities and where you want to invest your time and energy. There is a tendency to be distracted by day-to-day affairs and general busy-ness, so prioritizing your activities and carefully managing your time is essential.
Brings yourself back down to earth and remind yourself to not only focus on your broader life goals but to also make sure your day-to-day affairs are in order. In other words, you may have a hard time prioritizing things and by working on this; good time management and financial management, ensures that your bills are paid on time, that you keep a record of all your appointments and daily commitments, etc. It may sound tedious having to focus your attention on these more mundane issues, while also working on "yourself" at the same time, but sometimes getting on top of your daily affairs is as important as pursuing your broader life goals. More simply put, it's kinda difficult for you to juggle / handle multiple activities / responsibilities at once...Which is where you need to learn to prioritize and simplify..... Choose your battles and let everything go.
If you are unwilling and unable to create some inner strength,peace, and balance within yourself, I definately feel only more problems and difficulties in the future, which create further obstacles which hinder the attainment of what you wish to pursue or obtain in life. The situation may cause, again, undue worry, requiring you to juggle your priorities and manage your time effectively even more so to stay on top of the situation.
Now, all of this represents CHANGE and I get that you also struggle with being able to cope with change, remaining flexible and being adaptable.....So, rather than putting all your eggs in one basket, you may be better to keep two or more things going at once so you have the luxury of choice, should one option fall through. You must stay centred while you stay flexible and keep informed. Look for new possibilities, be open to change and go with the flow as best you can.
It appears to me the your life direction, or how you've currently been conducting your life / day to day activities is possibly based upon a person, but not clear on that.......I think you (or you and this younger person) may have been discussing a creative project or venture; or it's a lingering thought, still in your head, not yet expressed.
Again, I'm hearing that your unconscious mind is also trying to speak to you, possibly through your dreams or through anachronistic encounters with significant people. The message to be taken is that you must be open to the unexpected, occasionally bizarre impulses of the creative spirit and not shut out inspiration simply because it does not fit in with a rational point of view. I see that you're also gifted with a sharp intuition and you may receive messages from your unconscious mind. You may be more inclined to act on a hunch, have a psychic experience, or a connection with one who is psychic... (LOL) This is a good time to trust your intuition and your gut feeling. In addition to the good news above, you also may receive a positive message or news from loved ones. You may hear (or have already learned) about the birth or upcoming birth of a child (pregnancy), (grandchild) or an engagement or marriage, a wonderful idea or plan, a new relationship, travel plans, etc. This positive message is unexpected but welcomed, and you are likely to respond to the news or message in an emotional manner. BUT REMEMBER.....Positive, loving emotions.....no more critical behavior, or very little anyway! : ) Instead of being guided by your head, let your heart and intuition try taking over for a while. Try being less "stuffy" or opposing and just let some of those burdens fall off....like your ‘inner child’ – youthful, free, creative, intuitive and inspired. In doing this and learning to maintain balance and a greater, softer inner spirit- your imagination is totally free, free to dream wonderful dreams and to create life exactly as YOU choose. Like I said, our minds actually create happenings in our life...positive or negative...In allowing yourself to be free of the stress, anger, worry, you're in return bring in a positive renewal of your emotional and creative self to allow that sense of freedom to reappear in your life.
So, now is the time to take a fresh perspective on what you perceive as difficult issues and to approach them with benefit of the doubt, love and compassion. Never stop listening to your intuition and believing in your dreams, yet don't force them on another. If you cease to dream, then your dreams shall never come true because they do not exist anymore. Dare to dream and all things become possible.
I know that one thing you were concerned with is who you learned from or who influenced you in become the type of person you are today...this is interesting, because the qualities within the person I see and the way you conduct your life appear to be similar, yet opposite of your desires....I will try to articulate the best that I can what I'm getting.....It's almost as if, you deeply loved this person, but swore you'd never become them....and perhaps this is one of your deepest fears and worries that plague you daily....and it's only because you ALLOW IT TO....WE ARE WHO WE WANT TO BE - NOT WHAT WE FEEL WE HAVE TO BE...
I am seeing like a curtain behind a person. This curtain represents "hidden" forces of negativity that constrain you and that trick you into thinking you are imprisoned by external forces ultimately out of your control. This is one VERY important reason for you to enable much needed inner strength, because what your feeling is an inner force. When this is a negative force, it brings forth fears, addictions, and other harmful impulses. It is a great master of deception and creates the illusion that you are involuntarily bound to them or they're way of behaving....likes it's something that's inherited and out of your control. However, you must always remember that each of us are individuals, given life by GOD, being born through our parents (mothers) and we each are given at that time FREE WILL.....So, there really are no chains that bind you here - You've in a sense, freely given over that will and just accepted this fate....when in reality, this person's influences and/or believe system has actually got you convinced that it's just inevitable.....like you are feeling stuck or restricted in your life, believing that you are being controlled by external forces when in fact you have created your own chains of imprisonment and powerlessness with a sense of hopelessness. You feel despair and have a pessimistic view of life because you feel that so much is outside of your control. You fear the worst, and this means that your fears have a hold over you and prevent you from leading a more fulfilling and optimistic life. I've already told you HOW to overcome everything restricting you and creating so much chaos.....Those same tools are what will ultimately free you from this as well. You can and should (if you choose) always love and remember this person....but Know that you have the power within to free yourself from the bondage of this person and be your own person....which I see is a damn good lady -
In addition, when I see this in a person, I also see actual addictions and dependencies in your life, or that were in the life of the person who has this influential hold over you.....such as alcoholism, drug-taking, unhealthy relationships, over-spending and the like. Its as if the need for something and a willingness to go against what is known to be right and true in order to obtain it. If this is YOU, break free of these negative patterns of behavior, again, by acknowledging the hold that they have over you and the negative impact they are having on your life. Often they are behaviors that are immediately gratifying but which cause longer-term damage to your inner fulfillment.In return, lead you to where you are now.
More generally, I've seen a great tendency for you to be OCD - becoming obsessed and hell-bent on a particular idea, situation or endeavor. You are over-investing yourself in one area at the expense of other areas of your life. You may have become so fixated on something(s), and that too shows you have forgotten the importance of investing in your relationships or yourself. Your value has nothing to do with how much you earn or how much you own and will or have created an unhealthy bond with these materialistic desires and again, allows your free will to be controlled by this bondage.
SO PRETTY MUCH, EVERYTHING IM HEARING, SEEING, GETTING, ETC...ALL IS "MENTAL" ISSUES WITH YOU, WHICH IS REALLY A GOOD THING....THE MIND IS CAPABLE OF GREAT THINGS.....YOU KNOW THIS. OLD BEHAVIOR'S ARE HARD TO CHANGE, BUT IN YOUR CASE, YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS.....TAKE THE STEPS NECESSARY, AND THE REST IS GOING TO FALL INTO PLACE AND BRING YOU BACK INTO A PLACE WITHIN YOURSELF YOU'VE BEEN BEFORE, BUT LOSE..NO ONE HAS POWER OF YOU, BUT YOU, PERIOD TAKE BACK THE CONTROL.
Next, i THINK YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT AND WHO HELPED ME IN YOUR PERSONAL READING.....But, I'll give you the "medium" portion of your reading now...Your Mom.
FIRST, SHE REVEALED THAT SHE REVEALED SO MUCH OF YOUR NEGATIVE ASPECTS, BUT SHE WAS A VERY NEG. PERSON & SHE DESIRES MORE, BETTER FOR YOU. YOU ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER. THAT'S HER MAIN MESSAGE TO YOU.I got that she spent her life, wishing for everything, but getting nothing - in her eyes. Never satisfied. Never enough. She had very unrealistic expectations of everything; herself, her family, dreams, just in life in general.
She "expected" that all these things should just manifest with little input or action. she was always missing
something missing deep down, and the inner fulfillment was never present. (SOUND FAMILIAR?) She was always disappointed due to imperfections and mistakes, smugness, overindulgence, greed, superficial or materialistic values, shallowness, gluttony, and excessive preoccupation (OCD) with gratifying her own desires, often times at the expense of the needs of others. She lacked moderation in all things, over indulging in all things.
She knew, without regard of how her behavior impacting others, and are often found gloating or boasting about successes (whether true or not) while others are suffering.
She appeared to face many challenges,always - she had no organizational skills and always seeked short term satisfaction; never long-term goals and prioritizing what is important. Deep down, like you, she knew what she should be doing and what she "really" wanted to achieve....yet,it may have all just been so overwhelming and without prioritizing skills, it seemed that she want so many things but no ability to really reason and thought to make them a reality. She took many, if not all things for granted and overlooked the things that mattered most. she was always neg. and depressed and inflicted these attitudes toward everyone around her, because it was easier than taking responsibility for herself and actions.
When it came to her life and financial issues, she is telling me to just simply have you read what I high lighted in blue above - period. (so, now that you've re-read the "blue" highlights above, I get that she was pre-occupied with money, and it caused much grief, worry and stress...again, unrealistic views.....
She showing me that she really did love her family and had a love for a not so loveable man. (Your father?) She doesn't say......She just describes him as a man with an over-use and abuse of authoritative power.He was often incredibly domineering and rigid in his thinking. You also get some of this from this person..Yet, she actually refers to him as being an insecure man throwing his weight around who has a need for control. He often made you all feel powerless...(DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR ALSO) .
In addition, she says that currently, you are also dealing with this type of person and you are now ready to embrace something new....(inner strength) You want to free yourself from the routine and the structures that have permeated your life and held you back. You want to provide yourself with greater freedom to explore your creativity, rather than getting bogged down in the detail and the routine.
Whether this is a spouse, or someone very close....they've become over-bearing, possessive, dominating and authoritative. Wanting someone to take care of you and provide a stable foundation for the future, it has gone too far now and you feel as though much of your independence and freedom have been taken away. Your partner has become stubborn, rules-based, argumentative and highly structured. This is putting strain on the relationship and preventing a creative flow of energies to flow between you. He/she feels benevolently toward you but has inflexible expectations of you.
And finally, asked her to show/tell me what she disliked the most and or regretted in life.....And she said there were so many things...but mostly it was SELF DOUBT...Her self doubt created everything else she did...
feeling negatively about herself...a failure as a wife, mother and person...AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HOW SHE FAILED HER CHILD(REN) She said if she could give you any gift in the world right now it would be the confidence she and you now lack, and the much needed support and recognition you deserved then and now to pick you up and give you strength again. She wants you to know, despite what you may think, she was always proud of you even though she didn't often say so. She was selfish and self absorbed and when not trying to please herself, she was giving into the demands of a man. She said she lacked in the worst way, exactly what you are dealing with / poses a great challenge in you.....inner strength and spirit. She's finally at peace, and only wishes that she'd created an environment for you which brought you peace as an adult in life. But she also reemphasises,,,,,,you can still obtain everything she desired, positively.
I hope that in some way, this helps? It just kinda ended here and she felt as though there wasn't really much more to say. I hope that I'm not off on this reading or hurtful. It's actually a very good insight and hopefully helpful. Peace..... Let me know how I did.... Oh, and be sure that you don't instill these behaviors in your child(ren), please.....Cycles stop when we stop them........